Here at Growing Up Gamers we oftentimes post content about the Pathfinder game, a roleplaying game we love. Today, we have a special character. He's that hireling who tags along and always has the right item for the job. He's the kobold porter who uncannily has the answer to the riddle that has the party stumped. He's the local boy who wants to be a squire, braves dangers with the adventurers and somehow manages to not be roasted by the dragon's fiery breath. Remember that guy? Well, here he is, in all his extraordinary ordinariness: The Uncommoner!
An uncommoner is a character who exist to make the world more convenient for the "real heroes". Rare are the legends that assign names to this person. The uncommoner dwells at the edge of notice, and his power derives from some sort of cosmic indifference to him. But that's okay to him; he is perfectly happy to be "along for the ride" and help when he can.
Hit Die: d6
Skills: Profession 3 ranks, Knowledge (Local) 3 ranks
Special: Character may not possess any named class features beyond Weapon and Armor Proficiency prior to taking levels in this class, nor may he posses any racial hit dice. If the uncommoner acquires additional class features from any class other than Uncommoner, he loses all class features of the Uncommoner class.
The Uncommoner's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Climb (Str), Craft (Int), Handle Animal (Cha), Knowledge (Local) (Int),Perception (Wis), Profession (Wis), Ride (Dex), and Swim (Str).
Skill ranks at each level: 2 + Int modifier.
Table: The Uncommoner
Weapon and Armor Proficiency
Uncommoners gain no proficiency with any weapon or armor.
Plot Vulnerability (Ex)
An Uncommoner, though very good at avoiding most dangers, is particularly vulnerable to attacks that occur behind the scenes. When more than 50 feet per class level away from any ally with PC class levels, any attack against him is considered a Coup de Grace.
So long as the Uncommoner is employed by a Player Character, he does not need nourishment of any kind.
Convenience Pool (Ex)
An Uncommoner understands that their continued existence depends upon them not being inconvenient. Beginning at first level, an Uncommoner receives a Convenience Pool. This helps the Uncommoner escape notice, be useful to others and avoid danger. He begins the day with a number of convenience points in this pool equal to half his level + 1 per each ability score that is racially average for him. Here are the effects that he may accomplish with these points:
Errand: So long as the Uncommoner has not performed a hostile action toward anyone the round before, he may, as an Immediate action, spend one convenience point to be on an Errand. His physical location does not change, but is not considered to be in an Area of Effect of a spell or ability that does not specifically target him.
Slip Away: While taking a Withdraw action, an Uncommoner, as a Free action, may designate any number of squares as not being threatened by anyone at a cost of one convenience point per square.
This Old Thing?: An Uncommoner may produce an item from his gear that was previously unaccounted for at the cost of one convenience point. The item may cost no more than his level in gold pieces, plus 1 gold piece per additional convenience point spent.
Irrelevant: At a cost of two convenience points, the Uncommoner can invoke the effects of a Sanctuary spell. The Will save DC for this is equal to 10 + his current convenience pool total.
Succeed Where Others Have Failed (Ex)
An uncommoner has an uncanny knack for delivering plot-relevant information and bypassing barriers. If the Uncommoner observes a failed skill check by more than one person with PC class levels, he may attempt the same check untrained with a +20 bonus. Knowledge checks made in this way are the result of a "hunch" or "old folk wisdom", and physical checks made in this way succeed "because someone made it easier". He may do this once per day at 5th level, and twice per day at 10th.
So... that's it! I hope you enjoyed this. Though it is definitely meant as a humorous post, this is a mechanically sound class and can be used as a henchman for any group of Player Characters. A slight revision of the wording (Villian in place of Player Charcaters/PCs) can make this an effective flunky for a bad guy, too. So... then next time it seems like your hireling is fireproof, the barmaid miraculously survives fleeing through a melee or the wagon driver effortlessly solves a sphinx's riddle, know that you are in the presence of an Uncommoner!