Game! Turn!

A sweet story....

Hmm... which one?

Last night Jack watched me play a game with Katie. He sat there having a snack and watching in a pretty mellow way for such a boisterous little boy. When we were done we cleaned up the game and I started getting ready to go run an errand when I felt a little tugging at my leg. I look down and Jack is looking up at me with big eyes, and says "Game! Turn?". It totally melted my heart, and I stopped what I was about to go do to get out a game and play with Jack. After all, my beaming little just barely 2 year old waited patiently and asked so politely, with such a look of expectation and hope on his little face... what else could a mommy do? I grabbed Boggle Jr. off the shelf, thinking we would just roll the letter dice around and look at the pictures on the sturdy cards.

Jack's first word!

The first thing he did was get out some cards and proceed to tell me what the pictures were. "Cat", "Dog", "Shirt", "Car", "Two" (It was a five, but good try buddy!) Then he surprised me, he took the letter dice and instead of tumbling them around or throwing them on the ground, he looked at all of the sides and carefully picked some to display. Then he looks up at me and says "Word!". What?!? I look and the "word" he spelled was "ROLU". Then he looks at me and waves his arm across the tray and says "Read, Momma!". It was one of the highlights of my week, such a rich interaction with my little guy, and it just made me smile and feel all warm-fuzzy proud inside. We played for a few more minutes, then he helped me clean up and put the game away before he toddled off with Elmo and a smile on his face.

Teaching Games to Kids

How did they do that?

My 5 year old daughter loves to play board games and card games. She has a goal to play 100 different games this year, and I’m so excited to try that with her. She likes writing her own reviews of games and talking about her thoughts on them, and she CAN’T WAIT until she can read all the cards in the “toughest” grown up games like Magic: The Gathering. Part of that is her personality for sure, but I’ve had a few people ask me how to get into playing games with their kids or how I’ve been so successful at playing complex games with her when she is so young. I thought I’d try writing down my ideas on the subject, hopefully there’s some piece of advice in there somewhere that someone can use. I’m writing in an authoritarian voice, but I’m absolutely no expert. My opinions are based on my parental experiences with my two kids and 10 or so years working with kids in various settings. These are just some ideas and strategies we’ve used or thought about, and they are mostly focused on young children (pre-readers) because that’s what we’ve got.

As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

10 Easy Steps... Haha… Nothing Is Easy With Kids!

1.       Cardinal rule: Don’t worry about the rules. The point is to have fun with your kids. There is honestly lots and lots of time to learn “the right” way to play the games, but first the kids have to learn to love playing them and get excited to try new games. Play games in front of your kids, and let them sit in your lap, hold your cards, move your pieces, pick a color, roll the dice, whatever, even if it’s only  for 2 minutes as their marching band parades through the room. Show them that playing games together is a fun and valuable use of time.

2.       One way to build focus and attention for gaming is to let kids play with you with games in whatever way is most appropriate and interesting to them. Start by getting out all the pieces and taking some time to look them over. The point is to sit with your kids and explore them together, so don’t worry about losing pieces… you’ll be right there with them, right? If your kid destroys the pieces or puts things in their mouth, wait a while or invest in some of the high quality wooden games out there that have pieces that are too big to eat and too sturdy to destroy. We’ve got a destroyer in the house, so we’re careful about which card games we play with the little Jack. As you play, try saying things like “Wow, dice, what should we do with these?” or ask questions like “Which side of the card should we use?” or “How do we get these guys to stand up?” Let the kids be the problem solvers, even if their solutions aren’t what you would normally come up with. It’s ok if they use dice to build towers or are more interested in the backs of the cards than the front.  Just remember, if all you do is get a game box out, look at all the pieces with your kid, and put if back in the box, you haven’t failed! You’ve succeeded at starting them down a path of learning to love games. 

"Chicken! Egg!"



 3.       Appreciate the art, the novelty, and the fun of the game. Get excited about the characters and feel free to play with the game like a toy. Watch what your kid likes to do with the pieces and use that insight to find good fits for future games. For example, if you get out Candy Land and your child just wants to match colors, then have fun matching colors with them, and store away that knowledge so that next time you can pull out a matching game like Memory instead. For example, my daughter uses this beautiful deck of Animal Rummy cards to play a game she created that seems to resemble Magic the Gathering (not too surprising, since we play it all the time). The animals line up in a row, you use cards of the same color to activate them, and then they tap to attack each other. I try to appreciate her ingenuity, creativity, and love for gaming and introduce her to other cards games she might like instead of getting bummed that we won’t be playing Animal Rummy anytime soon. 

4.       Try taking turns. Whatever you are doing, try staggering it into your turn/my turn patterns. Make sure they aren’t having to wait very long to do something, because that’s not even fun for us grown-up patient gamers.



"...and we could use these as stop signs..."



5.       As you play and enjoy the game pieces, gradually introduce new concepts that will form the basis for the game rules. You can roll a die and say “oh look, I got 4 spots on this die roll, what if I move this guy 4 spaces on this path. One-two-three-four.”  Or,  “Oh look, I have 4 of these stone cards, and no wheat. Do you want to trade one of your wheat cards for one of my stone cards?” Don’t push your kids to do the same, just model the ideas. Start introducing the actions and parameters that define the game in a fun way. Try not to put emphasis on “right” and “wrong“  ways to play. It’s pretty natural to get excited when your child starts coming up with their own ways to play that are very similar to the “real rules”, but try not to get disappointed if all they want to do is play their own way.

6.       Break down more complicated games into stuff your child recognizes. Come up with some fun mini-games using the game components that highlight some of the interactions and rules. For example, if your child knows how to play Memory and you want to teach them Settlers of Catan, you can play a memory matching game with the pieces. Place all of the hex tiles face down in the shape of the island and take turns turning them over. Whenever you get a match, you collect a resource card of that type. You can use the resource cards to build roads, settlements, cities, and development cards (using the costs on the reference card from the game) and have a goal of being the first one to build one of each, or whatever else sounds fun. That way they are learning that the hex tiles correlate to resources, and that you get sets of resources to build stuff in the game. Then when you introduce the game, those basic concepts will form the foundation. You can go as far as you want with this, depending on your child’s age/skill/interest level/etc. Breaking the game down to its core mechanics will help your kids form a library of “game rules” that you can use when you are learning new games, and using those mechanics to help teach other games (like in my Memory>Settlers example) gives kids a chance to practice something they already know in a new context, while establishing new skills. Win-win!

"This card matches. 1000 points!"

7.       When you think your child is ready and receptive, ask them if they want to learn a new way to play with the game. You can hype this as much or as little as is appropriate for your child. Some kids can’t wait to learn the “grown-up” rules, while some might not care. Take your time with it, play with lots of different games, and encourage your kids to make up their own rules too. Don’t be surprised if their rules don’t make sense to you, your rules probably don’t make much sense to them either. Try to incorporate as many examples from your “play time” with the game as possible. “Remember when you thought it would be cool to use stone cards to build a castle? Well in this game there are these cool pieces called cities that are kinda like castles, and they cost some stone to make. Pretty cool hunh?” or “I really liked that rule you came up with about matching the colors on the cards to the colors on the board. In this game, you kinda do that too! But instead of putting your cards on the board, you move this little candy guy to the next space of that color, see how I’m doing it?” Kids learn and remember things better when they can connect it to prior experiences, and by activating those memories or ideas, you are helping them to build important connections as well as validating their own creativity.

8.       Take out any complicated or confusing rules that you don’t feel your child is ready for. It’s ok to play games however you want, really. The designers don’t know you or your kids, and if you think it would be more fun some other way, then go ahead! You can always add in the more advanced rules later, or change the way you play altogether. As a personal note, we somehow manage to play almost every game wrong the first few times; we misread the rules, miss an important part, or just forget something all together. Here’s the big secret: It always turns out ok. We relearn the rules the “right way” when we find out later, and your kids can too. It’s really no big deal. My one caveat is try not to write off a game entirely when you aren’t playing it the way it was intended, it might honestly be much more fun if you play it right. Shelf it or whatever, but be willing to give the “real” rules a chance when your family is ready. It might still not be the game for you, but at least you’ll have given it a fair shake.



"Ohh, maybe I can go THAT way..."



9.       Quit while you are still having fun. You don’t have to play to the end. If your child loses interest, pack it up and be sure to thank them for playing with you. If a tantrum or other behaviors make the game unpleasant, then feel free to stop for that too. You can always take a break and leave it out to come back to when the child has calmed down/taken a nap/had a snack/ran three laps around the yard. Putting away a game with a screaming kid will leave a sour taste on the experience for both of you. Try to have a fun transition planned, and keep the experience positive whenever possible.

10.   Praise ideas and creativity and problem solving more than luck and winning. It’s cool and fun when they roll a 6 or draw the card they needed, but it’s way cooler when they figure out how something works, play graciously, or come up with a clever move.





The Long Road…But It’s Worth Taking.

This might seem like a hard or time-consuming path to playing games with your kids. It helps if you are as obsessed with games as we are. Kids often want to do what their parents do more than anything else. If you love playing games and really can’t wait to play them with your kids; don’t think of these experiences as “less cool” because they aren’t  always the full game or whatever, just try to have fun and enjoy your time with your child. During those moments in which you feel like you are torturing yourself, remember the payout: bonding with your little ones, their future fond childhood memories of playing games as a family, increased critical thinking and problem solving skills, social development, and potentially a lifelong gaming buddy. It’s totally worth it.

Sound off

What has worked (or NOT worked) for you in playing games with kids? Agree or disagree with something I’ve said? Questions? Ideas? We’d love to hear from you, so please leave us a comment!